I'll be Home for Christmas, if Only in my Dreams

For anyone who knows my family, Christmas is so not our thing. Thanksgiving is our big holiday where we have tons and tons of family to our house, lots of good food and even better times together. Christmas is kind of the holiday that follows Thanksgiving and just gives us another excuse to get together.

I know that the season is about celebrating Christ's birth. However, the fact that Jesus was actually born in the middle of summer and that I have a sneaking suspicion this holiday was created by retailers makes me kind of apathetic to the whole idea behind Christmas. Shouldn't Christians celebrate Christ's birth everyday? Shouldn't this celebration be surrounded by giving and reflection instead of presents? Shouldn't I just shut up and fall in line with everyone else who chooses to use December 25th as a designated day to celebrate?

No, I am not a Scrooge for those of you who were wondering. I actual enjoy the festive spirit of the season. I enjoy that I get to see my parents so much over a month's time and that it provides an excuse to get together with friends and family. Our family has made Christmas about family and I LOVE that! Mom can't quite give up the tradition of Santa Claus coming to town. The presents are not near the caliber of when we were younger but they are always exactly what we need.

The day after Christmas is a tradition with my aunts, uncles and cousins to have soup and exchange presents. This year, instead of exchanging presents, we have decided to all come together with charities to which we would like to donate, deciding on one, and giving them the money that we would have normally spent on presents.

You see, I actually enjoy Christmas again because my family has made it what it should be. About celebration, giving and time spent together.

Though I probably should have posted this around Thanksgiving, I wanted to take this time to highlight some of the things I am celebrating this Christmas season..
I am so incredibly thankful for my relationship with my sister. Two years ago, I would have never imagined that she would be one of my best friends. She listens to my issues, calms me when I am stressedand reminds me of the incredible support system I have behind me. I rely on her for sanity and grounding.

This guy, this one right here...I am so proud of him. He has taken such huge steps in pursuing his dream of being a doctor all the while keeping in mind me, our relationship and our future. Even after 7 years together, he still makes my heart so pitter patter.

Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope you are all surrounded by family and friends this Christmas...they are the best presents of all.

The Challenge

Kathleen tagged me for a photo challenge, so here it goes...the fourth picture from the fourth folder of photos on my computer.

This was from the night of the presidential debate in Nashville. Laurel and I went to the site armed with our cameras, ready to capture the sights of the night. For some reason, when we were leaving, I decided to snap this shot of an Obama sticker on a VW bug. I think I just liked the simplicity of it.

I think Kathleen already tagged everyone who I would have tagged. You can look back in my previous posts for more info about the debate. Enjoy!

my dilemma

I am a passionate person. There are so many things in this world that I want to fix, so many people I want to save, so many children I want to educate...just so much I want to do.

For the past three years, I have imagined myself in a job that worked on the front lines for one of these causes: being that person that gets out there and works with the women who need support for their families or that teacher who works tirelessly to serve each of my students to the best of my ability. People always say that when you love your job, your life is so fulfilling and I took that to heart. What I want to do most in this world is care for people, heal their hurts and fill their hearts.

When starting my master's degree in community development action (kind of like community organizing) two years ago, I thought I was preparing to work with the people I am wanting to serve on a daily basis. After spending two years in this program, working with people who are on the front lines, serving their causes, I have come to a realization that this might not be the right thing for me to do.

The people who I have worked with have lost their passion. What they are doing has just become a job to them. Setbacks, limitations and the need for a paycheck have overcome any breakthrough or success story they have achieved. Teachers go into the classroom with so much passion and after a couple of years, realize the limitations that keep them from really serving their students. Non-profit workers have limited funding to complete the work they want to do and don't get paid enough for the work they do, making it harder to put your whole heart into it.

Also, while I have been in my program, I have had so many opportunities to work with causes that I really am passionate about and I have passed them up. My life is consumed with learning how to serve the organizations and because of that, I have not truly been putting my newfound knowledge to use. I do not want this to happen with my job.

I am scared to death of starting a job, working with something I am passionate about and coming out of that job burned out without the passion in my heart anymore.

So here is where I am with this. I am thinking that I should try to find a job in the service sector that I would enjoy and that would allow me to work to serve others outside of my paycheck.

I would be neglecting the elephant in the room if I did not mention the money and job availability in my worries. We all have experienced the downward spiraling economy, people losing jobs and the number of families in need multiplying exponentially. Non-profits have been hit HARD by this recession we are in and those jobs are few and far between.

I have also considered teaching which is something that I have always wanted to do. Working with kids on a daily basis and helping them achieve a more successful future is an amazing job. Unfortunately, I have experienced the crappiness that in No Child Left Behind and I do not think I could handle the frustrations surrounding that piece of legislation.

And that's not all folks. A large part of why I think I am having this struggle is because all I really want to do is be a mom. That's it. If I could have a dream job with no money worries, that would be it: a mom. However, Andrew will (hopefully) be in medical school for 4 years and I am not comfortable supporting a family on student loan. I have to have a job. I do.

To sum all of this rambling post up...I AM LOST. I have no idea what I want to do, no idea what I can do and absolutely no idea what kind of jobs are even available in Augusta. All of these things I have typed out are mulling around in my brain a good portion of each day. Welcome to my brain, folks.

it's that time of year again

As you can see from my background, I am in the holiday spirit. Christmas is not the biggest holiday in my family. It doesn't even come close to our Thanksgiving celebration. My family no longer gives gifts. Our reason to celebrate is that we have time together. As we all get older, it becomes more difficult to see each other and it is a miracle that we get to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together...I'm sure that won't continue forever once kids and grandkids come into the picture.

I think I have said this before, but I know the real reason I am in Nashville is not for graduate school but so that I could have this time with my sister. Last year, we decided that we wanted to have a Christmas tree with great decorations and even decorate our front porch. We had so much fun buying the ornaments, finding the tree and decorating together. This year, money is tighter and it crossed our minds not to get a tree (they are NOT cheap!). That thought left our minds quickly because we realized that this was our last chance to do this together. Next Christmas, I will be married to Andrew and we will have our first tree. But this year is ours, mine and Laurels, and we weren't going out without a kick-ass tree.

A local high school, for the past 3o years, has sold trees for a fundraiser. So many trees you could get lost in there!Mandy Malibu carried the tree like a champ!L carrying the tree because she didn't want me to hurt my wrists. So thankful for her.Last year we had white lights and I thought Laurel might have a stroke. So this year, we decided to go back to our roots and embrace the tackiness...it actually looks really amazing!Isn't it beautiful!?!?!?!Laurel made our star out of recyclabe matierals: plastic on the top, glass on the left, newspaper and aluminum on the bottom and cardboard on the right. I do a wreath for each season and I really love the Christmas wreath.